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我的眼泪在你心中
时间:2008/9/8 16:02:35,点击:0

 

    鱼对水说:“我看不不见你的眼泪,是因为你在水中” 水对鱼说:“你看不到我的泪是因为你在我心中”好像是这样的。

  我和石樱从那家饭馆走出来的时候,天已经黑了,雪纷纷扬扬从店门口那盏路灯的光影中飘过,我能感觉到雪花好像是落在我心里的,感情的开始和结束都是悄无声息无影无踪的,只有中间的过程是清晰的,但是却那么短暂……

  石樱吃饭的时候就哭了,一句话也没说只是掉眼泪,我在一旁不知所措,老板走过来说:“忆离校了吧?”他脸上有些恋恋不舍,他知道此后这个座位上坐的将永不会是我和石樱了——生意没了。我突然想给他一个恶毒的冷笑,可是我却怎么都做不到——就如同不敢承认明天我就要和她分开一样——不,应该是分手。我早就料到,只是不敢相信会来得这么快。

  不知怎的,我和她竟都站在店门口停住了——是冻僵了吗?我转过身正撞到她那清冷的目光,她的手缩进了袖子里,看样子她在发抖,我把手伸进她的袖筒……

  学校后面是个只容一人通过的小门,走到门口时,我俩的手便不约而同地松开了,两个人陌生人一般走进学校。

  整个四楼空无一人,都离校实习了,只剩下了我俩,我打开画室的门,呈现在我们面前的是一片狼藉,桌椅、画架、石膏像都乱七八糟地扔在地下。石樱走到维纳斯像前打开300度的高脚灯说:“再画一张吧!”我麻木地点点头,这是我们最后一次在一起画画了。

  三天前,全年级的同学就各奔东西找实习单位了,惟独我和石樱留在学校完成最后一套CIS企业形象识别作业。之后去应聘,在第三家广告公司应聘时,老板对石樱的作品称赞不已。随后不到两个小时,我也被另一家公司录用了——整个一天的奔波中,我们成了两个竞争对手,走路时一前一后形同陌路。我怀疑我们的感情是否真的让这鬼天气冻僵了……晚上,当我们一起喝庆功酒时,她以茶代酒一大口咕咚一声就喝下去,然后,精神恍惚地望着窗外的夕阳,又毫无表情地看了我一阵子,眼泪便开始无声无息地流出——自从这学期开学,她还没在我面前哭过,在这段日子里,要么是我陪她无休止地逛街,要么是她陪我无休止地坐车,从城市的一端坐到另一端,精神病一样——我常说这是我的一大爱好,而她只对我说了两个字:随便。除此之外,她就是不停地画画、设计。

  她以前是最喜欢与我开玩笑、逗我开心的,总是在我腹中空空时出其不意地掏出一块巧克力,总是在我考试一塌糊涂时陪我去看一场电影……我还清楚地记得那个秋天,那是我第一次握紧石樱的手。

  那天我们班在松花江边写生,我和她坐在离同学较远的一棵柳树下。她叫我帮她画远处的一棵树和一个喂鸡的老婆婆。我不画,她就骂我是小气鬼。过了一会儿,她在我身后大叫老师来了,我转过头,突然感到脸被一个凉凉的东西划了一下,我仔细一看——她手里居然拿着一支蘸满红油的画笔,我已经满脸油彩,气得我拿起笔追着也要画她,但我抓住她的手时却没有画她,只是让她老老实实坐在我身边别再胡闹……我仍记得那天她的手心是热的,可以捏出汗来,而不像如今这般冰冷、冰冷的。

  凌晨一点钟,我正画着维纳斯的独臂,石樱歪着头对我说:“你饿不饿?”

  她从背包里掏出一板巧克力,掰了一半递给我——她还是像以前那样出其不意。静静地房间中,在自己比较饿的时候咀嚼东西的声响是最动听的,巧克力有点淡淡的苦——就像我们的感情。

  第二天,我从桌子上抬起脑袋时,她还在那里画,我不禁一惊,难道她一夜没睡吗?

  出于好奇,我想看看她画得怎么样了,便走过去。当我看到她的画时我惊呆了——那上面明明画的是我呀!她写上名字、日期,便把画摘下来,说:“送给你,留个纪念吧!”

  我的心情有种莫名的激动,不知该说些什么,但我能体会到她此刻的感情。

  外面的雪下得厚厚的一层,把过去覆盖得严严实实、没有踪迹。我和石樱在校门口分开了,她冲我平淡而冷静地笑了笑——惟一的一次也是最后的一次,她走了。

  以后的日子,我们通过几次电话,大体上是关于实习方面的事。电话中短短的几句便可让我感受到我们之间的陌生,也感受到她的成熟。圣诞节时,她寄给我一件礼物,里面依然是我最爱吃的那种巧克力,不过味道变了,是甜的——像我们正在努力创造的新生活。

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